Adventures in Urban America

A humorous weekend in the City of Brotherly Love

From the rooftop of the Logan Hotel - Philadelphia

My wife and I celebrated our anniversary by staying at a very nice hotel in center city, Philadelphia for an extended weekend. We're both music lovers and came to see a show on Saturday night at South Jazz Club on Broad Street in Philly. She also made arrangements for a couples massage at the hotel where we were staying.

Before going, I practiced my best Philly accent, ate some scrapple and a cheese steak "wit" (Meaning cheese wiz) and studied up on the Flyers a bit. They were playing that Saturday against the Pittsburgh Penguins and everywhere we went was a sea of black and orange.

My wife says I have a tendency to take on the accent of wherever we go...When we were down south, I picked up a southern drawl and when we were in Texas, I was all twangy...so I'm sure it was subtly annoying but in the immortal words of Rocky Balboa, "Nobody owes nobody nothing." Hard to dispute logic like that.

Yo, Andrian -I can't put my arms down!

First the good - The majority of the people we met this weekend were amazingly friendly. I worked in Philadelphia for years and knew the area pretty well, but like any city, there's the good and bad parts of any metropolitan area but the people we encountered seemed quite amiable. We had one strange encounter when we were sitting at a counter having lunch when, out of the blue, the guy next to me turns and says, "I'm a very controlled diabetic" Of which, I responded, "That's good to know..." (which of course, it is - I've known a few UNCONTROLLED diabetics and had to throw sugar cubes and cake frosting tubes at them when they got ornery). But for some reason, sitting in Philadelphia, it didn't seem that out of the ordinary to hear such a comment. My experience with Philadelphians is that they say what's on their mind and that's fine with me.

The restaurants were everywhere and there was plenty to see and do during our short stay. The dinner show at the jazz club featured what they described as "elevated Southern cuisine with live jazz in a stylish Charleston-inspired setting." They also have a fun little dress code posted on their website that I found interesting and refreshing:

At SOUTH Restaurant & Jazz Club, we invite you to step into an upscale, sophisticated atmosphere where chic and fancy dress is the norm. We encourage all of our guests to embrace our elegant jazz ambiance by getting dressed up for a night on the town. Dressy and business casual attire are preferred. In order to maintain an enjoyable environment for all of our guests, we do not permit any athletic wear including sweats and hoodies, rubber slides/flip-flops, excessively revealing clothing, or exposed undergarments. We ask that gentlemen remove their hats inside, unless the head covering is for religious reasons. So, get dressed up, come out, and have a great night at SOUTH.

I loved that! Seems like pajama casual is everywhere anymore, so it was nice to dress up for a change. I was handsome as hell and my wife was gorgeous of course.

Tia Fuller

The show featured Grammy nominated Tia Fuller on alto-saxophone, her sister, pianist Shamie Fuller-Royston, Shamie's 23-year-old son on drums and a guest bass player. We both enjoy soft jazz music and with the exception of a couple of songs that sounded like a couple of cats fighting in a barrel, it was an enjoyable performance.

I am fairly adventurous with food choices (once ate fried grasshoppers in Cancun) and had a very spicy Classic Creole Jambalaya while my wife dined on Bayou Chicken Gumbo and a Harvest Salad.

The server asked if we were celebrating anything and we mentioned our anniversary. The club presented with a cute little angel food cake and recognition was announced by the band. Made us feel special. When everyone saw the little cake come out, several other people announced that it was THEIR birthday or anniversary as well, which was either very coincidental, or people just wanted free cake.

The room for the show was small but somehow held about fifty to sixty people and the sound system was extraordinary. We were, however, unfortunately seated next to rather "full-figured" individuals on either side of our table, which made dining a challenge before the show. We survived and it all worked out.

We took a cab from the hotel to the club and back - one driver took every back street, stopped at every traffic light and we were in the cab for several minutes before he asked me where we were going again. $11.40. I thought, "this guy's just ripping me off with this loopy loop drive to go 2 miles away". The cab on the way back took all the major streets and had us back to the hotel in 4 minutes. $11.40. So, either they were BOTH ripping us off and it was a conspiracy or I don't understand how cabs work.

Back at the hotel, our couples massage was a pleasant experience. The spa is located in the lower level of the hotel. We were greeted warmly by friendly staff and the massage itself felt great - not the kind of painful deep massages where some sadist sticks their elbow in the middle of your back until you cry "uncle". Unfortunately, it was so pleasant, I promptly fell asleep early in the process but woke up refreshed. My wife described my snoring as "tolerable".

The Bad - Philadelphia seemed MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE than I remember. We suffered sticker shock just about everywhere. Parking for two days was over $120. Breakfast at a local restaurant was $65.00 for the two of us. A simple lunch was $80.00. A glass of wine was $17.00. There seemed to be convenience fees and city taxes on just about everything.

Out of curiosity, I did a little research. It turns out that Philadelphia has one of the highest parking taxes in the U.S. at 22.5%, a prepared food restaurant tax of 8%, a 10% tax on top of menu prices for alcohol, two types of hotel taxes - 7% for hotel occupancy plus an 8.5% tax added on top called a hotel room rental tax.

The Ugly - Like many large cities, drugs, mental illness and homelessness is still a major problem. We saw more than our share of fentanyl zombies walking around, tortured souls screaming at people passing by and a few bodies passed out on steam vents while the local authorities seemed to just ignore them.

People Watching - The dinner show ended around 9PM, so we headed back to the hotel for a nightcap and were thoroughly entertained for over an hour by the antics of people coming in or leaving the hotel:

• The Influencers - Maybe it's my age, but I had no idea that there are people in the world whose only role in life is to video or take pictures of themselves and document every single moment of their lives to share on social media. Without exaggeration, we saw at least two dozen young women in skintight short dresses or skirts walking backwards through the lobby holding cameras on themselves as they posed seductively for selfies or videos. Some were holding designer bags as they primped and make kissy-faces for the camera. Some actually had others videoing them as if they were in a modeling studio. I asked a staff member if there was something special going on and they just shook their head and said that this was a constant occurrence, seven days a week.

• The Wedding Party guests - As we sat in the lobby, a couple of buses pulled up outside to drop off guests staying at the hotel who were at weddings in the area. Lots of sequined dresses and fancy attire. One woman staggered in and practically fell into a chair where she promptly melted into the leather there in a puddle of inebriation, giggling to herself. She was followed by another who was clearly her older sister and the sister's husband and finally the tipsy woman's husband who glared at his intoxicated wife and then went to the sister and said, "When did I become the bad guy?" Oh, the DRAMA!! As we watched, older sister collected younger sister and brought her back to her husband and said, "Go make a baby...goodnight!" You can't make this stuff up.

• The Old Man by the Fire - A group of young high school kids or possibly college boys listening to an old man "hold court" - I imagined him as their coach or mentor of some sort or perhaps the patriarch of the family being told by their parents to sit and listen. They're clearly kinetic and restless, getting up constantly coming over for free lemonade by the bar before going back to listen to him drone on a bit more.

• Balloon People - There was some sort of birthday celebration happening. A family brought in giant gold balloons formed in numbers - it was either a 60th or 90th birthday based on which way the balloon bounced but we speculated it was someone's sixtieth. But the balloon carriers must have been sucking up the helium because they were a bit tipsy.

• Dog People - It's become commonplace to see people bringing their dogs with them on trips. We saw at least a dozen dogs slobbering all over the lobby from little chihuahuas being lifted off the ground by their leash to giant Great Danes named Tiny with ESA (Emotional Support Animal) banners slung across their hairy chests. I do believe that if we brought our boxer to a hotel room, she would have a mini panic attack and drink everything in the minibar.

I hope you enjoyed hearing about our experience in the "City of Brotherly Love" (Yes, it's a thing). It made me realize how much I like living among the coyotes and cornfields