Straight Outta My Mind

What would I tell my 20 year old self by 10 Things I’d Tell My 20-year-old Self – Straight Outta My Mind

I found this on a blogsite called Straight Outta My Mind - evidently, other people have the same idea I did. Here's a great submission - feel free to offer your own for publication! - Bob

10 Things I’d Tell My 20-year-old Self

With today’s “average” life expectancy, I’m officially at (okay…a little past) the halfway point. Even typing that feels surreal. It makes me feel old! And in this so-called “old age,” I’ve found myself spending more time looking back—not living in regret, but reflecting on what really matters and what I hope to pass on to my daughters as they grow up far too quickly right before my eyes.

So, if I could sit down with my 20-year-old self, here are a few things I’d say:

1. Don’t rush into the “American Dream.”

When we were engaged and later married, there were all these unspoken rules about what you were “supposed” to do. You were supposed to be working toward buying your first house.  You were supposed to have certain pieces of furniture…real china place settings…and so on and so forth. And we did it—too fast, too soon. But, looking back, I think of the many “things” we hurriedly purchased or requested as gifts that are seldom (if ever) used.  I think of how we so early in our journey together, put ourselves in holes financially that we would end up spending years to get out of…all because we thought that was just “what you do”.  Don’t be afraid to live WITHIN your means…even if it is different that what the norm is.  Just enjoy life together.  

2. Things are just things.

The older I get, the more I realize how little the “things” mean…and how much stress and clutter (physically and emotionally) they add.  Be mindful of getting necessities and non-necessities confused.  No, it isn’t wrong to have nice things, but don’t try to find happiness and fulfillment in things…you’ll fall short every time.  

3. Travel while you can.

When I was young and just married, I wanted to hurry to get that “American Dream” style life much too quickly.  I wanted a dog…and when I had a dog, I wanted a house…and when I had a house…I wanted a child…and, well, everything changes after that.  Looking back, although we were young and in love and growing closer to each other daily, we didn’t give ourselves much time to travel and enjoy the world together.  We always planned for those moments…we dream of those moments even now…but those dreams often have to take a side seat to life with kids.  I’m not saying that you can’t travel with kids or while you have kids, but I am saying that you have way more responsibilities (physically and financially) once kids are in the picture.  So, if you have the chance, don’t rush so fast into that cookie-cutter life you think you should have as a couple.  Live a little…see new things…find passions together…don’t run so fast to the next stop on your journey that you forget to enjoy the views along the way.

4. Stop living for everyone else’s approval.

I’ve always been a people-pleaser, trying to keep everyone happy—even when it cost me my own peace. But here’s the truth: you can’t please everyone. Ever. If you’re following where God is leading, you’re already right where you should be. That doesn’t make it easy (I still catch myself comparing), but it’s worth remembering—for me, and for my kids.

5. Learn from the generations before you.

One of my biggest regrets is not spending more time learning from my grandmother before dementia took her from us. When I was young, I didn’t see the value in those “old” ways. Later, life got busy—college, marriage, kids. Suddenly, time was gone. I don’t think there is ever enough time with your loved ones…and, even had I spent every day with my grandma before her passing, I’d still want more.  But, if you do still have grandparents, soak in their stories…ask them about your heritage…learn some of their how-to tricks.  Those things are so hard to learn when they are gone.  And, I promise you, you will want it one day…one day when it just may be too late to get it.  

6. Parenting is the hardest and best thing you’ll ever do.

It isn’t for the faint of heart…it isn’t easy…ever!  But it’s single-handedly three of the greatest blessings I’ve ever had in life.  It’s full of scary responsibility, and sometimes, I’d love to hide from that responsibility (I think most would say the same).  You’ll make a million mistakes…and they are great at keeping you humble in so many ways…but I wouldn’t take anything for my kids and all that they have and are teaching me as they grow up and I grow “old”.  The days are sometimes oh so long, but the years are gone in a blink!  

7. Life isn’t easy…and trials…hard times are guaranteed to come.  

We so often live in a “Hallmark movie” dream world…where there are always happy endings…life just somehow “works out” before the movie ends.  But, that’s guaranteed not to be real life.  There will be great moments — bask in them…but there will also be sad ones…challenging ones…incomprehensible ones.  And you aren’t always going to be prepared for them in the ways that you feel you should be, because you never see them coming.  But, I remind myself often…God has never failed me…and I fail myself often…so there is no reason for me to ever question our journey, but just learn from it and find joy in it.  It doesn’t have to be easy to be enjoyable.  Often, the hardest journeys in our life have been the very things that brought us the closest to each other and to God.

8. Forgive often.

People will hurt you—sometimes without meaning to, sometimes very intentionally. Choose forgiveness anyway. Not because it’s easy, but because it’s freeing. Forgiveness heals you as much as it helps others.

9. Marriage isn’t 50/50…it’s 100/100.  

This is one time that math doesn’t work.  If you only put 50% effort into your marriage and your spouse only puts 50% effort into it, even though it adds up mathematically to 100%, it truly only equals a half effort at best…and that isn’t enough to survive, let alone thrive in a lifelong marriage relationship.  Marriage is 100% from both…giving it your best…your all…every day.  And, if you do that…you’ll both see that effort pay off in ways even movies couldn’t dream of portraying.

10. Live with NO REGRETS.  

We all know this, but sometimes you get those sobering reminders (I’ve had quite a few lately)…life isn’t guaranteed…tomorrow, even the next hour isn’t a sure thing.  If you love someone, make sure they know it.  Don’t go to bed angry…make amends as soon as you can…even if your pride has to take a hit.  Don’t put off snuggles, pillow talk, bedtime stories, or sunset walks til tomorrow…none of us know how long God has planned for us to have here on earth with our families.  Make time to live in the now, seizing the moments we have today, and never give yourself any reason to look back with regret.

So now I’m curious: what would you tell your 20-year-old self?